hans sucks big time!

?

2010-08-03T21:07:00.001+08:00

"10V11 is basically comprised of rachel, germaine, jennifer crystal n Hans."

"I think the _ ___ are bad influences (to you)."

2010-08-03T19:53:00.002+08:00

I was struck, totally.

I feel humiliated.

I have been brought down back to Earth.

But I have chosen.. to fall on my feet.

Because I believe there is a purpose of this fall.

The story goes all the way back to my days in Temasek...

I was a horrible, arrogant Student Councillor. I thought I was smarter than many others. I did not do remarkably well in my academics. But I constantly maintained an above average achievement, without much effort at all. I was somewhat satisfied, and proud. I totally looked down on others.

Then I thought, this was not my place. I definitely deserve better than this. So I applied for the VIP. I got in. Another reason for me to be proud of myself. I entered the programme with the very same mindset I had in Temasek, that I was smarter and better than others. But God possibly wants to humble me, bring me back down to Earth.

I have failed through and through, time and time again...

My failures were diverse. I failed in the area of friendships and other relationships. I failed in my studies. I failed in my physical fitness. I failed in my decency. I failed in my interactions with others.

I am a failure. I just have to accept that, cold hard truth about me.

Who is to blame? No one, not anyone of my friends but myself. In fact, there is no point in blaming anyone whomsoever. It's probably the best thing that could happen to me. I would rather it happens now, then during my JC years, or my uni years, or even worse when I start working.

I need to open my eyes wide and remove the blinds I have worn for way too long. There are people much better than me, in all terms.

But like I said, I am still stand with my two feet. I have to be strong.

I cannot say, if I am going to succeed in the end-of-years. I cannot say, if I am going to improve tremendously. All I can say is that I am consciously trying to save my own ass, while there is still time. It is probably not the best, in any measurement, not even in my own measurement, but I do not know what else I can do. Of course, other than asking for God's help. Nonetheless, I still have a strong faith, in myself and God.

If you read this, keep me in your prayer. I need it. God bless you, my friend.

love again

2010-06-01T21:00:00.001+08:00

It's been a while since my last post.

I feel like crying, totally.

I'm struggling.. with studies, church, friends, emotions..

Religion, morality, temptation, lust, love, anger, self-control and the list goes on...

We used to be so close with each other but not anymore.

I used to think you are such a bitch. Apparently I found myself often positioning myself like you. Such a hypocrite I was. Ah well, you are not mine anyway.

And there's already someone else in my life. She is prolly my greatest source of strength and joy now, but I don't know if this is another one of the THOUSANDS infatuation I've had in the past 3 years since the last time I totally fell for a girl.

In any case, I just wanna enjoy the times we r together and hopefully it will lead us somewhere one day.

What is love?
or rather.. is this love?

Another Ranting

2010-01-19T23:28:00.003+08:00

Truthfully enough, I didn't contribute much to our victory, or rather we, the juniors didn't contribute as much as the seniors did. Hence, as much as they deserve it, they (or rather one or two selfish guys) ~~get~~ took the better share of the hamper. BUT, is that the whole point of this whole Inv!gorate thing? If it is, then I'm sorry, but I have to say that I was ~~fucking~~ wrong to have entered the VIP.

If you guys want to win so much right, you don't even need to let us play la. Just play yourself, our girls also don't need to play. JUST PLAY IT ALL BY YOURSELF, THEN YOU CAN WIN IT ALL BY YOURSELF AND TAKE THE WHOLE FREAKING HAMPER BY YOURSELF.

Sorry, as you all know I'm a high D-Establisher. I got a lot of ego and pride. I always try to hold myself back. But if it involves other people right, I cannot take it. This is not personal, this is about the principles that each of us hold on to. I also heard from my source that last year you guys were treated by your seniors that way, but mind you that's not my freaking problem. And for goodness sake, I won't treat my juniors that way no matter what. I DON'T FREAKING MIND GETTING THE LAST PLACE, IF IT IS A WELL-DESERVED THING AND EVERYONE IS ALL IN IT TOGETHER. It is way much better than having a few people spam play all the matches and only them deserving the victory.

I know sports is not my cup of tea, but pardon me sire if you think I'm just being weak as I could not contribute much. I know I'm not sporty, so I was not enthusiastic to play any game. I knew others might just do the job better. But when I see someone is good at something, and he's not let to play just because you don't believe he can do it, that's pathetic man. You think you're the best huh? Just for informational purpose, Kurum has more experience than any of you guys in Floorball. Jason too was brilliant. Okay in the end they played anyway, so let's close this case.

In conclusion, I'm still with my ego and if anyone actually happens to read this and get shocked, welcome to my life man. I'd rather let it out and be truthful. And since I don't think it's necessary to tell this on your face lest the commotion gets worse, I am writing it down here.

Well sometimes I wonder if it's just me being overly-sensitive or others being so insensitive.

RETREAT

2009-12-08T11:41:00.003+08:00

I am going back to Indonesia on 15th December. I won't be bringing my laptop. I would leave all my life in Singapore behind. I just need a retreat. I need a time to reflect. 4 years down the road would probably be the most crucial time of my youth. It might be the peak of my life. Hence, a good preparation is needed. I need a fresh mind, body and soul to enter VJC.

So I won't be posting anymore here. Even after I come back next year on 7th January, I might not be posting much anymore.

I need to have a focus in my life. I wanna lead a purpose driven life. I don't wanna live my life on a day-by-day basis. I wanna help others. I wanna stay humble, because arrogance hinders my blessings. I wanna come back to the Heart of Worship. I wanna come back to the Father, just like the Prodigal Son did.

lady macbeth

2009-11-25T00:01:00.002+08:00

How now, my lord, why do you keep alone,
Of sorriest fancies your companions making,
Using those thoughts which should indeed have died
With them they think on? Things without all remedy
Should be without regard: what's done, is done.

-Macbeth Act 3, scene 2, 8–12-
by: William Shakespeare

Hahah, interesting uh. Although you think I'm not a lit person (which I'm not, really), I'm a person who enjoys the Arts, literature included, well of course, cannot be so cheem lah, like the above one I still can understand a bit and can relate to it.

Yeah you guys can complain my blog is getting more boring day by day. Hahah it is, in fact my life gets more boring too. Things get boring when you get older. And as you know, I'm getting older at too fast a rate. I'm awfully old :O

the way you look tonight :)

2009-11-23T12:50:00.004+08:00

Some day, when I'm awfully low,
When the world is cold,
I will feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight.

You're lovely, with your smile so warm
And your cheeks so soft,
There is nothing for me but to love you,
And the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fears apart
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
Touches my foolish heart.

Yes you're lovely, never, ever change
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it?
'Cause I love you
Just the way you look tonight.

With each word your tenderness grows,
Tearing my fears apart
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose,
Touches my foolish heart.

Yes you're lovely, never, ever change
Keep that breathless charm.
Won't you please arrange it?
'Cause I love you
Just the way you look tonight.
Just the way you look tonight.
Darling
Just the way you look tonight.

I just fell in love with this epic song. Love the Rod Stewart and Buble's cover!

I HATE

2009-11-21T18:08:00.002+08:00

I hate that I am responsible for this mess.

Would friendship prevails?
Could we rewind the tape of life?
Could everything be the same again?

Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours to see, que sera sera...

N.B. Sorry I can't deliver a cheerful post today.

CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT

2009-11-14T23:14:00.006+08:00

Man, I am totally inspired today.
It's been so long since I feel like this.
I've regained my confidence and spirit.
Totally re-energized.
And I think the time is right, because I'm gonna embark on a new journey in VJC.

I sense great things ahead in VJC.
It's gonna be so fulfilling and unforgettable.
My next 4 years in VJC, I believe, would be a period of time which I would reminisce about when I have become old and grey.
I really have this strong feeling, man can't wait for it to happen.

I was particularly inspired by Mr Liak, CEO of Alexandra Hospital, when he spoke at the VIP symposium today.
He reminded me about my dreams I have had in my life, which I have stopped dreaming about because I thought.. well it's just dreams, I ain't gonna be anywhere near there.
But, he somehow inspired me to pursue my dreams again.

After Mr Liak's talk, then came the time to visit our senior classes.
OH MY GOODNESS I TELL YOU.
THE SENIORS ARE DAMN COOL AND FUN PEOPLE.
Haha and I kinda get along well with Jonathan from VS. (why do I make a lot of friends with Jonathans uh LOL, namely Jonathan Sumarto and Jonathan Yuen have been quite close to me? Hahah, coincidence?)
I do hope I can make great lifelong friendships in VJC.
So, I hope I can be really good friend with him.

So me and Jon went to all 09Vxx classes.
And in 09V14 and 09V15, we were greeted by SUPER HYPER CRAZY GIRLS.
Damn funny I tell you, they are really really really crazy.

OH MY DIRECT CLASS SENIORS WHICH IS 09V11 ARE DAMN COOL MAN!
THEY GOT LIKE A MINI FLOORBALL COURT IN THE CLASSROOM TODAY?!!
OH was damn sad cuz couldn't go to watch movie with them, cuz I needed to go to Hillary's concert.

Ok that brings me to the next story: ARTS JAM@ CHIJ TOA PAYOH.
It was kinda cool man!
It really really reminded me of my St Ursula Elementary School days.
You know, the kind of atmosphere you get when you are in a convent school.
(uh St. Ursula is an all-girl turned mixed convent school, just to clarify)

Afterwards, I went to watch 2012 with Hillary!
(I found out from Jon that apparently my seniors were watching 2012 too, haha so we kinda watched the same thing and shared the same opinion: IT WAS TOTALLY AWESOME MAN!!!)
Yeah so this movie really inspired me too.
Man, not-so-popular artistes? exaggerated animations? heck!
IT IS REALLY MOVING AND INSPIRING!!
I was reduced into tears in a few scenes.
Man, the storyline is really awesome.
Now I kinda appreciate what I have more and would try my best to maximise and make do with what I have.
I realised the importance of family and the spirit of humanity.
COME ON MY FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS, IT IS THE 21ST CENTURY AND WAR STILL EXISTS?!!!
Well that also encourages me to do well in life.
Cuz I realise that the people who have power in the world ARE GREEDY AND SHALLOW.
I wanna gain power and make a better world, even though I do realise that once I have gained more power, I would be tempted to make use of it the wrong way.

Hmm, anyway this the-world-is-gonna-end-in-2012 is kinda stupid.
I don't understand why people are scared about this thing.
Why are people so scared to die?
HELLO? FOR ALL YOU KNOW (touchwood), you might get into an auto-wreck tomorrow and ta-da, you are dead.
Why are you so scared to lose your life?
Don't you know that the only certainty in life is death?
Okay, personally I'm not afraid to die, but I want a smooth and pleasant death LOL
And if you ask me my opinion if the world's gonna end in 2012, I'd say probably.
Because the Mayan calendar hypothesis is quite well-supported.
And can't you see that the world is just dying?
Tsunamis, earthquakes, floods, people just die like ants.
Can't you see that to other people IT IS ALREADY THE END OF THEIR WORLD?
So no matter what, don't be so afraid about this 2012 thing.
Because as possible as you could die in 2012, you could possibly die tomorrow or next week or next month.

AND FOR YOU PEOPLE WHO SAY "WALAO IF 2012 THE WORLD IS GONNA END, WHAT DO I DO WELL IN MY 'O' level/'A' level/school FOR?"
I think you guys are stupid?
What if it's really not the end?
Then what? Go fail your exams lorh, you just won't do well in life?
Anyway good luck for you.

Well, even if 2012 isn't the end of the world, I strongly believe that our generation would witness the end of the world.
For the same reason that I think 2012 could possibly the world's end that is the world is dying.
Look at how bad human attitude is.
Look at how we treat the environment.
Look at how we pollute the Mother Nature.
Look at the signs.
Besides, there are the predictions.
The most famous one is, of course the Mayan calendar.
But there are others like the Christian spirituals.
Some like Benny Hinn have prophesied that The End is near.

Ok, I guess enough with this whole 2012 thing.
Let's just continue with our lives larh uh.

So after movie, Hillary and I had coffee at Coffee Bean.
We talked about some stuff while waiting for her Mum to fetch her.
Had an interesting conversation with her.
I really think she is a great friend to have.
Haha she is damn funny, especially her signature laughter!

So that's the end of my day!

OH AND MY GODMUMMY MADE THIS FOR ME!!! <3

P.S. I have heard that people say my blog is kinda emo.
But I would like to tackle that negative remark.
Ok maybe at the current moment it is, because of my current affairs.
But it is purely unintentional.
I post something when something is really special or when I feel so strongly about something.
So usually the happy parts are less affective in my life, that's why I tend to post sad stuff on my blog.
BUT TODAY WAS DEFINITELY GREAT AND WORTH POSTING!!! HAHAH

P.P.S. CONGRATULATIONS TO MS TAN FOR YOUR SUCCESSFUL WEDDING!
I WISH YOU HAPPINESS AND PROSPERITY IN YOUR MARRIAGE!

Class of 10V11, Victoria Junior College

2009-11-10T18:38:00.002+08:00

OMG
The class list is out.
Booklist is out.
And I'm posted to Class of 10V11!

hahahs!
I spent my whole afternoon forming the VIP Class of 2010 fb group.
as well as adding my future schoolmates on fb!
Chatted with two of them, nice people!
Hahah, hopefully everything will be GREAT!
Cos otherwise I'll be stuck for 4 years there!
But I'm forever positive about everything :)

Ahs, I thank God for giving me this opportunity.
amen. :)

P.S. the books are so exxxx:X

TRANSLATION

2009-11-07T16:26:00.005+08:00

You asked me for translation.
So here it is.

FUCK
I am so fed up.
why must I be in the middle of this???
Why must u be so unreasonable?
I love* u, but you are so difficult.
Damn, I don't wanna fall in love** with you.
I hope I won't.
But I want our friendship to hang on, as much as I want C4 to.
You said you don't want C4 to fall apart either,
BUT IT IS AS THOUGH YOU DON'T CARE AT ALL.
Wtf has she done to u?
until u hate her like shit.
I myself don't really like her, but I don't have to go to that extent u have gone to.

I love* u, I hope our friendship prevails and I'm willing to wait for 5 years :)

N.B.
*I used the word 'sayang' not 'cinta', both of which mean 'love', but the tone is much different. 'Sayang' is used to express love to your family members and very close friends. 'Cinta' is only reserved for the special one in life.
**fall in love as in male-female kind of thing.

ZZZ -.- it's so difficult to make this translation as accurate as possible. Indonesian language and English language are very grammatically different, and I wasn't speaking proper Indonesian language for that matter.
Uh and you can't translate things literally,
e.g. when I said 'anjing', i'm not calling u 'dog'.
I was just swearing, so it's translated to 'damn'.

RANTINGS WHICH I DON'T WANT SOME OF YOU TO UNDERSTAND :)

2009-11-07T01:06:00.002+08:00

NGENTOT
sebel gueh.
kok gw mesti jadi di tengah2 c???
knp lo mesti jadi unreasonable abis?
gw sayang sama lo, tapi lo tuh difficult bener yeh.
anjing, gw ga mw fall in love sama lo.
gw harap ga bakal dah.
Tapi gw mau friendship kita bertahan, C-empat- juga.
Lo bilang lo juga ga mau C-empat- hancur berantakan,
TAPI LO SEAKAN-AKAN GA PEDULI.
Apa sih yang dia buat ke elo?
sampe lo benci gila ma die.
Gw jg ga gitu sk ama die, tapi biasa aja kale ga perlu sampe parah ky gitu.

Gw sayang lo, gw harap persahabatan kita tetep bertahan, lima taon pun akan kutunggu :)

I Hope

2009-11-06T00:44:00.002+08:00

"Some friends come and go like a season. Others are arranged in our lives for good reason." -Sharita Gadison-

I certainly hope you are arranged in my life for a good reason.

Clearing-up The Mess

2009-11-05T12:53:00.002+08:00

I wanna downsize my facebook badly, but gotta wait for all the events to pass.

In other words, I wanna delete a lot of people whom either I don't know of or I know of but not personally.

Like only say 'hi' with each other or never even talked at all.

OR some people whom I personally dislike.

I feel like being an an anti-social for a while.

I wanna see whether I can cope that way.

I'm sure I can lahs.

All these while I've been kinda erm... more individualistic.

And I know very well that I enjoy my lonely times.

I would just think and ponder and reflect.

Yeah, I like to think.

Think too much --> headache --> hair loss --> botak >.<>

Hahas.

Anyway if you wonder whether I am really gay, (I can't believe some people really got suspicion over my sexual preference zzz -.-)

I AM 100% STRAIGHT.

I am a typical teenage boy with a lot of pimples whose sexual libido is very very high up in the sky, and it's towards female creatures!!

And if you think I act very gayishly or zilian like siao, well I don't consider those stuff I do as gayish.

Please uh, don't be shallow-minded.

Who the heck could say that skirt is only for girls? (just for example purpose, not that I wanna wear one -.-)

The fact is in some cultures, males do wear skirt, e.g. the sarong, it is after all quite like a skirt.

So when you say I act gayishly, it is because you are accustomed to what the society has defined as 'gayish'.

Well as for me, I am not accustomed to that definition.

You can call me eccentric but I don't accept if you say I am gay.

And for the blog title and URL, it's just for fun. -.-

Too Much Love Will Kill You -Queen

2009-11-03T23:04:00.002+08:00

I'm just the pieces of the man I used to be
Too many bitter tears are raining down on me
I'm far away from home
And I've been facing this alone
For much too long

I feel like no-one ever told the truth to me
About growing up and what a struggle it would be
In my tangled state of mind
I've been looking back to find
Where I went wrong ?

Too much love will kill you
If you can't make up your mind
Torn between the lover
And the love you leave behind
You're headed for disaster
'cos you never read the signs
Too much love will kill you
Every time

Uh, I'm not heartbroken or anything ok.

Just for fun and in sympathy for a close friend of mine.

Anyways, this really great song is by Queen. Classic number. 10/10

Here's the youtube link :)

Enjoy, and here are the rest of the lyrics:

I'm just the shadow of the man I used to be

And it seems like there's no way out of this for me
I used to bring you sunshine
Now all I ever do is bring you down

How would it be if you were standing in my shoes
Can't you see that it's impossible to choose
No there's no making sense of it
Every way I go I'm bound to lose

Too much love will kill you
Just as sure as none at all
It'll drain the power that's in you
Make you plead and scream and crawl
And the pain will make you crazy
You're the victim of your crime
Too much love will kill you
Every time

Too much love will kill you
It'll make your life a lie
Yes, too much love will kill you
And you won't understand why
You'd give your life, you'd sell your soul
But here it comes again
Too much love will kill you
In the end...

Self-importance?

2009-11-03T20:34:00.003+08:00

Why do you keep trying to prove that you are indispensable to others?
"For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted." Matthew 23:12

Keep a low profile and people would recognise you and your contribution even more.

N.B. You think I'm being a hypocrite? I might as well be referring to myself.

Credits

2009-11-02T23:14:00.002+08:00

Credits go to thebikiniboy and xavqior whom I have never met. Thanks anyway.

And to Irfan Muzafar, I owe you something.

Thanks again. (:

New Blog

2009-11-02T22:54:00.002+08:00

I have decided to blog, again.

This time around I'm kinda serious.

Don't expect daily updates lah, at least weekly, I promise you.

2009-11-02T22:38:00.001+08:00

TESTING!